One pink day….

What is love? As far as i can tell, it is passion, admiration and respect. If you have two, you have enough. If you have all three, you don’t have to die to go to heave.  -William Wharton

fauxillusionAlright, so even girls like me have their pink days. If you are more a tomboy than a girly-girl you know what am talking about. Those days where even you can’t help but try and analyze yourself, and the relationships you’ve had thus far. Today that is my day. Am almost thirty, and am SHOCKED to learn that all of those women whom i made fun of because they were approaching the big 30…were not so silly but genuinely at a roadblock. See, i have always been more mature for my age so turning 30 to me meant just another number or decade when i was 21. Now i can feel the changes. Not like a lightbulb went on or anything, but slow changes letting me know am leaving my old self behind.

Is that a bad thing? Am not really sure, but i know that i want to become a better person somehow. Not like i want to save the world or anything, but i want to make changes that will guide me in a better path than what i have walked so far. The problem is that you cannot make changes unless you look and i mean REALLY look at yourself honestly. Do you know how scary that is? Because while we can try not to notice certain things about ourselves that some people may feel are wrong behavior. When you honestly and truly look at yourself, you know it may not be wrong in the same way those people say, but they are certainly not helping you be truly happy. 

Relationships for instance, those messy little things or not so messy if you indulge in the no-strings-attached affairs. Those seem to be the biggest hurdles to encounter, because as humans we make many more mistakes there than in any other area. Yes you can make mistakes where family is concerned, but compared to intimate or casual relationships it’s almost nothing. You have to look at all those times you slept with someone, and try to figure out if you slept with the person for the right reasons…because let me tell you am finding out sometimes you don’t. Not so bad that i have to go to therapy, or at least not yet, but those times where i just wanted to feel good and used sex as the mean. Rather than use sex for that purpose and not for the right intention, like pleasure my partner and myself, i tried to substitute loneliness. And wow wasn’t that a shocker in and of itself? Me, who prides herself on being sexual just because i enjoyed it. Who would dislike anyone for saying i was a slut by sleeping with a guy on the first date….not that i think they are rigth, but i need take some time and at least think about why i want to sleep with them. Make sure it’s more than just finding them attractive and be compatible in more than personality.

While once upon a time in college shagging someone just because you were horny and then finding someone else  a week later max…at least in my book was acceptable. But if i truly want to find a satisfying relationship or “the right” man, then i need to start looking at my partner with more than just lust. I have never been blind to think that knights really do exist, or cynical enough not to think gentlemen do not. So kissing frogs should have a limitation.

So here is what i have found so far–Mind you this doesn’t mean the same for everyone.

  • Comfortable is good in a relationship, as long as there is attraction between the parties.
  • Sex is good for pleasure, but not as substitute.
  • Passion can wear off when you are with the wrong partner. It can become more subtle once a relationship is established.
  • As long as there is frienship, passion is a wondeful thing to have in an intimate relationship.
  • You are no longer a teenager so of course your body will change, doesn’t mean you need to hate it for it.
  • If you really want to make changes then start, don’t wait for the right moment.
  • Men who are not attentive to your intimate needs or just try to fulfill their needs, do not respect your body.
  • If someone insulted you, do not hate them. Know they were wrong but don’t carry the burden of hate, it only dims your happiness. Simply let them know and distance yourself from such negative people.
  • Family can be overbearing, but they are blood anyway, so if the problems are small be upfront about how you feel. You will be amazed at how receptive they can be. Of course there are those black sheeps in the family that can make you miserable for it, those you should just ignore….believe me, they will be miserable when you do and eventually learn their lesson.
  • Relationships are not really complicated, but rather we make them complicated when we blind ourselves from looking at the truth right in front of our eyes.
  • In a relationship one person is not the only one to blame. Both parties are, even if the other person’s mistake was to have pick the other person.

Now you are probably thinking you have read the books or columns on these issues. That these lessons i have learned just now i should have known a long time ago, and perhaps you are right but when you want to allude yourself things just seem to pass you by. Afterall more often then not it’s about someone else, not really you who is being analyzed. So i step off my soap box for now, i think i’ll take some wine and let my brain rest for today. 

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